Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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