How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize