If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
