well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
