I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
