Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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