if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
