So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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