I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
