Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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