my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
