I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
