Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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