There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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