I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
