you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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