the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
