mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
