Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
