Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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