I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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