You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What a dumb baby whore.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
