We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
