i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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