you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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