Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
