i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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