and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
