Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
