He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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