one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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