we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
