I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
