Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
