The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
