My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
