peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We got so high we made milksteak
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
