In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
