God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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