Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
