I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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