yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
