Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize