Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
