If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
