The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize