Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
