the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
