I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
