I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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