She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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