we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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