I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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