She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
