So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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