he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
