Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
