great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
