Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
