I need help removing her.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
