I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
