I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
