Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
