Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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