Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
