just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
