If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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