I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
