My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
