Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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