just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
