Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
